The Potty

This is it. This is the week we're buckling down and not leaving the house until E masters the potty.

I was originally thinking I'd wait until June, but it's time. E knows exactly what her potty is for and has been able to get on and off by herself for awhile now. She's perfectly capable of using it, just entirely unmotivated. The determining factor is that her diaper rash came back in full fury. It first appeared several months ago after I switched to Eco Sprouts detergent. After treating her bum with grapefruit seed extract and raw coconut oil while simultaneously treating her cloth diapers, we got rid of the stubborn rash only to have it resurface last week. Everything is under control again, but I've had enough. I don't know if the rash is caused by the new detergent or if it has been hibernating in the diapers, but I'm hoping not to stick around long enough to find out. E is more than ready to move on and I just need to muster all the patience in my being, put on a nice plastic smile, load up on chocolate for both of us and get it done. 

For some extra motivation I ordered some adorable training pants that will hold small accidents, seeing that E is still young and we will need them when leaving the house for the next few weeks.

I'll be starting Tuesday afternoon and hope to be making significant progress by the weekend. My hope is to put her on her potty every thirty to sixty minutes for the first few days and give her chocolate and/or stickers for every successful act until she is motivated to do it herself. (When the rash first appeared a few months ago, I got out the potty just to see what she'd do, and she used it first try. She had days where she'd use it up to 70% of the time, and days where she didn't use it at all. So now we just need to make her want to use it because we know she can.) I'm planning on keeping her in diapers for naps and nighttime for as long as it takes for her to wake up dry and make it to the bathroom. I'm thinking she'll get the hang of naptime pretty quickly, but I'm not in any hurry for now.

So... now I have to stick to the plan since it's been made public ;) ...or we'll just try again in a few months if all the patience in my being just isn't enough, which is a distinct possibility.

Today I'll be running all my errands for the week and getting some fun activities for us to do at home. Container gardening, anyone? 

Off to load up on wine and chocolate to get me through... :)

Here's the before picture. Hopefully we're still smiling for the after!

Sertoma Chicken Barbeque

Chou loves the Sertoma Chicken Barbeque, mainly because it's the largest chicken bbq in the world (or so they claim), usually selling around 30,000 chicken dinners. I'll never fully undertand the obsession with paying for overpriced mediocre chicken, but that's part of why I love Chou. He takes pleasure in the little things in life, and loves being a part of things bigger than himself. 

I do fully enjoy supporting local businesses, and many of them come together to make the bbq a success. The meal is full of locally made chicken, iced tea, chips, ice cream, and produce from a local distributor. Many businesses and raido stations take part in the day, and it's always a fun little outing.

This year, E collected goodies from various venders, devoured her chicken, and played in the grass until she was downright exhausted. I'll call that a success any day!

 

Only a toddler...

...pulls the dog's tail, and then whines because she has dog hair on her hand.

...thinks the chili is disgusting when I feed it to her, but digs in with two spoons and a fork (simultaneously) when allowed to feed herself. And proceeds to cover herself in said chili head to toe to floor in the process of devouring an entire bowl.

...starts to throw a fit, and then busts up laughing instead. 

...protests when you give her exactly what she asked for.

...feeds the dogs endless table scraps and then complains when they beg for her food.

...uses her car seat as a recliner when watching TV, but protests and arches her back when it's time to get in the car.

...puts the tortellini off to the side so that it's easier to pick out and eat all the kale in the soup.

...is the most OCD person I know, and yet I spend 90% of my day cleaning up after her.

...can make me experience seemingly twenty conflicting emotions simultaneously, multiple times every day.

all examples from the last three days :)

Dominoes

Ever have one of those days that's actually going somewhat according to plan? These are pretty rare for me :)

We got a late start on errands this morning because E actually slept in! She slept for a full nine hours last night, which is a huge improvement over to her typical six to seven hours. I was happy for the extra sleep and was still able to beat the lunch crowd at Central Market, so no harm done. We found everything we needed for the coming week, ran into a few friends, and snatched an iced raw cacao latte on our way out. All was going well and I happily breathed a sigh of relief for a successful unassisted market trip. Normally Chou and I go together (or occasionally Chou goes alone) on Saturdays because it's a lot to carry all of our groceries and E by myself. The stroller is really helpful for both the baby and the food, but it's challenging getting it into the market, not big enough to carry a week's worth of food, and almost impossible to navigate through the isles on a busy Saturday. Solo trips to market are challenging, so I was pleasantly surprised with how well we pulled it off this morning.

And then we got home.

Like Dominoes, everything came crashing down, piece by piece.

Cali, our wonderful dog, had gotten sick from one end of the dining room to the other.

In a feeble attempt to keep E out of the mess, I sat her down with the iced latte (it was pretty much a raw chocolate milk) while I grabbed everything from the car. I got our milk and meat into the fridge and just left the produce next to the door to deal with later. I ran upstairs for some towels and carpet cleaner, and came down to a puddle of chocolate in front of E. Clearly I should have known better, but at least I already had the towel and cleaner in hand.

I moved E to a chair and gave her a kefir smoothie while I tackled the mess. She sat and peacefully ate her lunch, and then asked to get down when she was done. I put her in the living room with strict instructions to stay there while I continued scrubbing the carpets. She's at an age where she's testing every word I speak, so she put one foot into the dining room, and gradually inched closer and closer to me, giving me an ornery little grin as she went. After a death glare from me, she gave up and sat down with some toys.

Not more than five minutes later, as I was finishing up with the carpets, I looked over to see her sitting in front of an open container of strawberries, red dripping out of her mouth, down her hands, and onto the carpet. Upon further inspection, she had taken at least one bite out of half the strawberries in the container.

At this point all I could do was laugh and grab a camera and a bib.

Somehow her brand new shirt came out unscathed. Miraculous! Her khakis weren't quite so fortunate.

And my carpet cleaner is AMAZING!! It completely took out the stains from the dog, the chocolate, and the strawberries. We use Sol-U-Mel from Melaleuca which is an all natural cleaner made from tea tree oil. I can't recommend it enough! We have very light carpets, three dogs, and a toddler. This stuff gets a workout in our house, and has yet to meet a stain it can't remove.

PS Mom, I need another bottle!

Parenting Beyond Babyhood

Last week's sermon was on conflict resolution, on the importance of fighting through conflicts. Fighting fair and growing as a result. Fighting with loyalty and kindness. 

It's not a subject I'm usually all that interested in, and frankly it's not at the top of my priorities. Chou and I are both relatively laid back, and while we certainly have disagreements, it's rare for any rift to last longer than a day; a good night's sleep and we're back to normal. I wouldn't say that we avoid conflict (although it can happen), but it generally dissipates rather than erupts. We're a pretty even keel household. Even so, I greatly appreciated the message and it really encouraged me to fight through conflict in my marriage.

Since Sunday, however, I've been realizing that there is quite a bit of conflict in our home. It crept in slowly, but it's here to stay. Countless times every day we have expectations that are not met, and conflict arises. Our conflict is not in our marriage, though. It's in my daily interactions with my adorable 16 month old. Life with a toddler is no walk in the park. 

snuggling 2 month old E

I have always loved babies. There's something so precious, innocent, and inspiring about snuggling and soothing an infant. It melts my heart. Their tiny toes, small coos, and lopsided grins in their sleep woo me every time. Not surprisingly, I just couldn't get enough of E when she was born. She came home from the hospital at 5lbs 11oz and just craved cuddles. E was never the infant who would sit in a seat and watch the world go by. For the first few months of her life, she screamed at the top of her wee little lungs from the moment she was laid down, getting more angry and unsettled by the minute and therefore making me more upset by the minute, until the moment she was picked back up. You can imagine the car rides! We started cosleeping so that we'd all sleep, rather than all cry. E was rarely put down for the first several months of her life, which made her one happy(er) baby and me one happy mama. Baby cuddles are just good for the soul!

Fast forward a few months and we've now officially moved beyond those tender baby days and are in the throws of toddlerhood. My little girl still loves snuggles (she's sleeping with her head on my shoulder as I type). She's gotten so much more content and can entertain herself for hours (if I'm lucky) while I work from home. She loves to sneak up on me and giggles as she approaches. She likes to feed the dogs, pat their heads, and enthusiastically draws my attention to them when they're misbehaving. She loves trying new foods. She's inquisitive and brave and will do just about anything, whether I approve or not. For the first time in her life she's taking somewhat consistent naps. Praise God!!

At the same time, she's learning about free will. She's starting to decide if she'll listen to me or if she'll laugh in my face as she disobeys. She's starting to protest when she doesn't get what she wants immediately, when her eggs take too long to cook, or when she'd rather run through the store than patiently hold my hand. 

These past few months have revealed not just how amazing infancy is, but how intuitive it was for me! I went with my gut and generally didn't over analyze parenting decisions. I'm great at the mindless bouncing, snuggling, feeding, and rocking to sleep. I like working hard to get a sweet little smile. I can handle frequent night feedings. I can make my baby feel loved and secure. Infancy obviously had its challenges and was a 27/4 job that took over my entire life, but having a toddler often requires me to go against my gut, which can be so much more challenging. 

My instinctual reaction to her unwanted behavior is most often "no" or "stop" or "wait ten minutes til I have time to deal with you". I'm learning that these are so unhelpful to both of us in the long run. Obviously there's a time and a place for these, but they get me nowhere as a sole parenting philosophy. Instead, we're learning to get creative, to help shape behaviors we desire, enlisting her cooperation and helping her learn. She's started sorting laundry instead of unfolding it, feeding the dogs instead of eating their food, helping with dishes rather than standing in front of the sink crying to be held, putting her own toys away rather than hiding various household items all over the house. Well, mostly. I just pulled my credit card out of the dogs' toy bin and a fork from my peace lily. But we're working on it.

mischievous grin

I try hard to set myself up for success in parenting this tiny person, making her feel loved and valued while shaping her behavior and character. I know that conflict with a toddler is unavoidable, but we really try to minimize it as much as possible. E's so much more obedient when well rested, well fed, and well cuddled (Well cuddled? Whatever. You know what I mean.) Even so, conflict arises. Countless times throughout my day I need to stop myself from the easy "no" and search for solutions to unwanted behaviors. This means my dishes are left soapy and unrinsed while I'm working through the latest tantrum, and my makeup is still half done as I'm redirecting her busy hands to something age appropriate. Helping a little girl navigate life is time consuming and often inconvenient. Every cry, tantrum, unwanted act, and disobedient behavior requires my analysis. How do I resolve it with loyalty and kindness? Is it best to discipline, to redirect, to ignore? Is she acting this way because she's tired, hungry, ignored, doesn't know better, or is willfully disobedient? What am I going to do about it? What worked yesterday? What didn't? And afterwards, was that really the best way to handle that situation? Did E learn what she needed or did I take the easy way out that's going to cost us big time tomorrow? Am I modeling behaviors she should be learning? Did I expect too much from her? Or too little? Am I screwing her up for life? 

There's nothing mindless about parenting a toddler! We're learning on our feet and trying not to mess up too terribly as we go. But it's a fight that is so worth it! We will fight with her, for her. We will fight fair and we will all grow.

Gardening in the city

Gardening looks a little different in the city than the country. We take what we can get.

Laundry

Laundry is one task in our house that is always in process. Between three people, three dogs, and cloth diapers, there's always something to be washed.

Generally we're pretty good with the washing part. And usually the drying part. And occasionally the folding. And rarely the putting away. Clearly, there are just too many steps to laundry.

I really, really like for laundry to be folded and put away, but it just doesn't always happen. We're busy, and putting the laundry away is the one task that all too often gets bumped. Until it's time to do more, and we need the laundry basket. Ooops.

We often wash the bulk of our laundry on the weekend, and this past week was no exception. By Sunday evening I had everything washed, dried, and folded. If you've ever tried folding laundry with a toddler in the house, you know this is no small feat. (There are actually a bunch of memes floating around the internet comparing this to organizing papers while a fan blows or brushing your teeth while eating Oreos. You get the point.) I've been learning that E is always willing to help, I just need to try to show her how to be helpful. She naturally wants to be with me, doing what I'm doing. So rather than her "helping" by throwing all my not-so-nicely folded laundry onto the floor or emptying the basket faster than I could fill it, I showed her how to put all the underwear and matched socks into the basket. This simple task kept her occupied while I tackled the rest of the pile.

Yesterday I actually put away all the laundry. Score! It's a great feeling knowing that I can grab my clothes from my drawer rather than digging through the basket. Of course, this could easily be my reality every week if I made the time for it, but, well, yeah...

This morning as I was getting dressed, I opened my drawer to grab a pair of clean underwear, but my drawer was empty. I peaked into my sock draw and found it equally bare. After searching the rest of my dresser and not finding any of my missing clothes, I turned around and found the contents of both drawers on the other side of the bedroom, back in the laundry basket.

Thanks for your help, dear girl!